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love 2 Love is hard they say but they say it’s worth it. I am not so good at being vulnerable. I
was hurt when I was in my 20’s and now I am coming up to my 40’s and have really
shut my heart down. I had one long relationship with a guy when I was 25 for 8 years
and he broke my heart. I really thought we’d end up together and we didn’t and now
I was so afraid to fall in love again. My ex knew me, you know really really knew me.
Even though he lived in Spain and I lived in Washington DC and even though we had
a long distance relationship, it still worked. We saw each-other all the time. He
would never miss my birthday or our anniversaries or special holidays. He would
always surprise me with the best gifts. He knew I was a Tea Tree junkie and I
remember this one gift he bought me one was just packed with all these Tea Tree
goodies including the lushest Tea Tree oil Shampoo. I still use the same brand. He
was such a sweet guy and attended to my every need. Not just the gifts, but he was
such a pure gentleman so when I found out that cheated on me it was the chink in
our chain that could never be smoothed 4
I found out through another friend who was traveling in Spain and was on Tinder
and saw his profile on there and just couldn’t believe it. I immediately spoke to him
about it and he owned up to it. He said that he had been going on and off of it over
the last year of our relationship because he felt that we weren’t going anywhere
anymore and he just couldn’t bring himself to tell me. There was a lot of he said/she
said and two sides to this story. He did admit that he had met a girl on Tinder and
had been seeing her on and off. It was devastating and painful and the hardest part
was I knew nothing. I didn’t even get any sense of it. I always thought I’d just know if
someone cheated on me – but I didn’t. He knew that my father had cheated on my
mother and that’s what broke up their relationship so I can’t believe he did that to
me also. I told him all that he had needed to do was talk to me about how he was
feeling, not cheat to get out of it. So as you can see I have been burnt and so I am
struggling now to find love. It’s been a long time since we have broken up and even
though I have had a few flings, I haven’t really opened my heart up again to anyone. I
am afraid but I am getting ready again. I don’t want to end up being a 40 year old cat
lady – even though I love cats by the way! I am hopeful about the future. I just hope
the next real man that comes along will be open and honest with me and won’t
repeat my father’s mistakes. I am hoping the next one is the real deal and will stay
faithful, true and honest.

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